It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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