Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
