Screwed.edu
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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