I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
