marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just made out with a guy for $7.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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