I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
