Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
