I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
