YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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