do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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