nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
