oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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