He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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