You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
