Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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