We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
