Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
