i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
