Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
