and you said cock pushups were impossible
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize