I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
