you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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