i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
