If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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