I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
