I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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