i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
