how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
