at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
