Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
