I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
