The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
