I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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