I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize