I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize