my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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