She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
