Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
