We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
