WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
