now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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