Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
