oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she smelled like a LAN party
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dicks are not precious.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
