What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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