I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish you could order shots online.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
