I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
