so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
