I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
