Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
