There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
