I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
