My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Houston, we have a blender
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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