I think I died a long time ago.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
