am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
