Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
