My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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