I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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