So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If I die, sorry about rent.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
