bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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