He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
