I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
