I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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