My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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