True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
