Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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