1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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