You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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