I've blown a few things in my day
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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